Virginia Nicholls tells her story of overcoming porn addiction

Shame is a feeling that sticks to you like glue. It is hard to pick off. When you do try to pick it off, it can leave marks behind. It can linger around every decision that you make. It can whisper in your ear that you are nothing, that you are disgusting, that no one is going to love you, or even like you, if they know the truth. So the weight of shame silences you and pulls you down and down. Lies begin to be a normal part of life as you attempt to cover up the behaviour you are ashamed of.

My shame was pornography. Discovering it in my developing years as a woman distorted my thinking and beliefs about sex and about how I should act. Being young and naive, I assumed that what I saw through the pornography was real life, and that was what I needed to do to be loved. This caused me a lot of heartache and damage over the years.

I looked at pornography for many years and this led to low self esteem and body image worries. Then three years ago, I read the book Say Yes to God: A call to dangerous surrender by Kay Warren. She explained in one of the chapters that she used to be addicted to pornography. She led a double life – a good Christian on the outside but behind closed doors she was a completely different person.

I was gobsmacked. It was the first time that I realised I was not the only woman who had looked at pornography and was using it to cope with life. Reading that book was the start of significant healing in me…

Virginia Nicholls is a counsellor specialising in addictions to sex and porn

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This is an extract from an article that was published in the March 2018 edition of  Reform

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